Say something about gay babies.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
