I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
