He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
