FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
