She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
