Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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