Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
