Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...

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(301): View more from Maryland

she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is

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(517): View more from Michigan

The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came

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(773): View more from Illinois

halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?

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(248): View more from Michigan

I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia

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(662): View more from Mississippi

His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds

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(650): View more from California

I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity

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