no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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