i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
