WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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