Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
