Having a random hookup so left but love u
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
