how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You did what with his pubic hair?
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