A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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