Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
