he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
