We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
