Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm too high and old for this...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
