You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
