no, he came in my armpit
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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