Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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