If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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