i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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