shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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