Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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