Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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