You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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