last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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