the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
