Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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