I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
