Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
