Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
