they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
