What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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