He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
