The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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