and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
