You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
