I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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