So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
