Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
a search helicopter?!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
