Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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