someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
