If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
