we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
