We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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