If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
