i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
