I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
