it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
