I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
