The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
